guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
