She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
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I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
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NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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