I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
