He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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