just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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