i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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