I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
