3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Randomize
