see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize