Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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