A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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