Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
