i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
