Sry I called you an 8
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
