I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
