Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
