I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
