Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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