Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
