you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
there is puke in my bra ... again
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
