I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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