I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
