clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
