I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
