Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
