I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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