i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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