Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
