I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
