What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
