my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
These tits shall not be calmed
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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