I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
