My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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