It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
