I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
