from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My vagina is officially offended.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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