Can i not drive my cunt home
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
