Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
