I cannot find my penis.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
