I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
