This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
