S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Panties = found
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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