New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
