Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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