2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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