i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
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I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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