How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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