If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
