fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
