3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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