Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
