Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
