matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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