Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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