did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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