Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
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I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
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So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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