Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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