Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
