Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
