I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
