Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
