you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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