I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
