i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
