he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
