I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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