The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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