I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
