phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
