he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
