no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
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Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
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I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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