Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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