I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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