On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
