the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
