Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
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