If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
