I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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