Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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