k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
