My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
