is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
