You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
