He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
