There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
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